What causes your conflicts with others?  Do they most often come from differences or from misunderstandings?  When discrepancies are real, how often do they need to become areas of conflict or battle lines?

James tells us, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." (James 1:19)  The reason we need to slow down our communication is that human anger never brings about the righteous life God desires.  It often produces judgment and human striving.  We are less likely to become angry, however, if we take the necessary time to understand what others are saying.  If we really slow down, we may understand not only what others are saying, but also what they mean.

When we don't take enough time to truly hear, we easily jump to conclusions.  We make assumptions, and soon create imaginary worlds based on our false perceptions.  We imagine we understand, when in fact we don't; we assume our judgments are justified, when in fact they are not.  Our anger brews, bubbles and surfaces in this pretend atmosphere. 

God's presence and power are not apparent in imaginary environments.  He is present and His will is made manifest in the real world.  So, we must listen, making sure we understand before we respond.  Such communication requires fewer words - as there is less need for constant clarification.  Good listening can also protect our relationships from the needless intrusions of sin.  For "When words are man, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." (Proverbs 10:19)

If you want to grow closer to people, ask them questions - and really listen to the answers.  When disagreements and misunderstanding arise, slow down, ask questions - and really listen to the answers.  This expresses interest; this expresses love.  It is hard to fight with people who love you and are interested in what you have to say.  The simple act of asking and listening might not sound very powerful, but it is.  God fills conversations and relationships that are marked by this kind of care.

Are you willing to learn to ask good questions, to be quick to listen well and much slower to speak and share your unsolicited opinions?  Make it less about you, and more about God and others.  Add prayer to the mix, taking time to listen to God's perspectives.  This will transform your life and impact.

Listening with you,

Pastor Tom

tgriffith@rolcboston.org

www.rolcboston.org