“Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?” Many of us know this opening line from the nursery rhyme, though we probably haven’t a clue as to what it is actually talking about. Whatever was specifically intended, it most certainly has some reference to growing “Mary’s” sphere of influence.

Most of us would like to build our effectiveness and sphere of influence. Clearly, being a contrary person will not be helpful – who wants to hang around, follow or be influenced by someone who is always taking a contrary or conflicting position? On the other hand simply being nice or agreeable all the time might not be all that effective either. Such behavior may go over in some places, but New Englanders can find it shallow and somewhat repulsive.

Transparency and vulnerability are a wonderful combination that counter-intuitively produces personal growth and influence. Yet, this may seem like a scary way to live. Transparency simply means to disclose yourself to others. Transparency allows others to know you, your hopes and disappointments, and to see the cracks in your life. It risks judgment and rejection from others. Positively, though, it opens up possibilities for deeper and more authentic relationships.

While transparency can open new avenues for intimacy, vulnerability is an even more powerful key for personal transformation. Vulnerability goes beyond transparency; it allows others to fill the cracks of our lives - whether they include blind spots concerning who we are, how we may affect others, or our sense of purpose in life. Vulnerability trusts that others’ perspectives regarding your life may not only be of benefit, but will often be of more benefit than your own. This is a courageous way to actually live.

How can we have the courage to allow others to “speak into” our lives? How can we trust that they will not mismanage the information and authority we give them? It requires real and practical humility. John Lynch in TrueFaced has defined humility as, “Entrusting God and others with me.” We don’t want to foolishly overexpose our lives to everyone; we need to exercise discretion and wisdom. However, we will need to take risks to break any patterns of isolation and self-reliance and self-protection that are keeping us bound and stagnant. Vulnerability is a powerful and disarming tool for growth. It creates an atmosphere of trust and hope, honesty and integrity, rather than striving, fear and/or pride. It makes us accessible to each other because it allows for weakness. This kind of lifestyle requires living and active faith and an identity that is rooted in God’s grace – that He will lead, direct and protect us – that He really is our Shepherd (Psalm 23). Can you walk humbly with God and others; can you trust God and others with who you are? (Ephesians 4:2) This humility empowers you to live vulnerably, inviting God’s strengthening insights and help through others. This is how your garden will grow!

Growing with you,
Pastor Tom
tgriffith@rolcboston.org